See you again roger

Roger left us this morning at 10.15am. He had a stroke or something last Friday morning and looked like he was on the road to recovery yesterday. I'm gutted. He's been my best pal for 16 years and today he's gone. The place is so quiet without him and the sound of his chain when he walks around. 

And it rained today..usually he barks when it rains.

I'm gonna miss you buddy.

I had a premonition that he might leave us a few weeks back when I was walking him on a weekend evening and noticed how weak he looked. He got breathless much quicker and we didn't walk as far as we used to before his legs got tired. Then I noticed him making circles in the garden as I tried to feed him. He generally didn't look as good as he used to. Last weekend was our last walk together and he started drifting right when we walked and I suspected it was something to do with his weakening back legs or his eyes. I wanted to spend more time with him when I saw these and would go sit with him in the garden in the evenings when I wasn't overwhelmed with work.

On Friday morning I heard him bark and didn't think much of it. I went down to get breakfast and then carried on with my research noticing that I didn't see him at the front door today but figured he would be somewhere in the garden or at the back sniffing the plants as usual. 

Then my helper called that roger was not happy. I went out and found him lying on the ground and panting. I thought it was heatstroke but when I lifted him he was completely limp. I informed my parents who we overseas and my brother and I immediately brought him to the vet. The vet saw him and tended to him and he regained some consciousness in the clinic but the news I got wasn't good. He had some issue that was neural in nature as he couldn't feel the bottom of his hind legs and from the descriptions of the way he walked the vet said that he either had a stroke or a brain tumor. Things started to make sense to me and the signs I saw started to piece together. She prepped us for the worse case scenario as roger was already a 16 year old retriever and was very elderly. He may not survive this. 

I decided that he should come home with us at least till my parents were back. And stayed up with him that night. I thought he wouldn't make it and even told roger that if he was in pain or suffering that he could go and we were okay and we loved him. 

He managed to hold out till Saturday when my parents returned. He suddenly got a lot more active and alert and I thought that he might have a chance. He started drinking abit though not eating yet and things seemed ok. But this morning as we sat in the living room talking about him he suddenly had another seizure and his breathing was weak. It broke me to watch him struggling for breath but I had to comfort him through it. Then another seizure afew minutes after and he left us quickly. I was sad, but roger doesn't have to suffer anymore. I will really miss him.

We didn't get along well at the start and i remember being annoyed by his morning barks but he grew on me as the responsibility to look after him fell to me once my sister left for college. I fed him and bathed him and changed his water. Made sure he was ok in the rain and when he was scared of lightning. I would smuggle him into the house to sit with me so that he wouldn't be lonely on his own. I would walk with him and chat with him about things I don't tell anyone else. And all that time, he would just sit there and listen and eat or lick him or just ignore me and walk off. But he kept me company too. He keeps me the most company when my parents are out of town and the house is really quiet. he was always there when i needed company.

I miss you already doggy and wouldn't be able to walk with you anymore. i was really happy that you could go out without a leash at the end. I always pictured you being able to just follow me around. I hope that you are in a happy place now and when I come along you will remember me and show me around too ya? We can go for a long walk and I'll tell you about all the things that you missed at home. Ill tell you about the garden and the cats and the flowers and u can show me what you've been up too.

See you again roger.

Love you

Zeke