Sunday, December 09, 2012

end of year

Another year is coming to a close so quickly. But why does it feel like time is moving faster and faster? The theory goes that when you are younger,say 2 years old, a year represents 50% of your life! Up to that point that's all you know and experienced and thus the longer time feels. When you're say 23 as I am now, a year is 1/23 of your life. As you age, the fraction gets smaller and smaller and thus the shorter a year feels as there's now a wealth of experience behind you in those 23 years. What have I accomplished this year? Have I done what I set out to do?

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Training 2011

Finally had time to upload some of the training videos leading up to SEA games. Good times!

Monday, December 03, 2012

cool rainy nights

It's raining so much recently and I love it. Love the sound of the rain hitting the ground, the silence before the storm, the cool fresh air that flows into the house. I feel most alive when it rains.

Sunday, December 02, 2012

a dream

Had a strange dream again. It goes something like this and i have no explanation for why things are like that. People were divided into groups of 5-6. Had a room like those in a hotel but the rooms for each group were in separate parts of the building which separates everyone pretty far apart. The place was dimly lit and red carpet covered the flooring. I am plunged into this situation and I can't remember where or how I got there. All I know is the the atmosphere is very tense and heavy and there's security personnel all over controlling movements of groups. There were some familiar faces. When my group was allowed to leave our rooms and down the escalator i ran into Jeremy and Caroline too. They weren't in my 'group'. I asked him what was going on and that was when I realized what the situation was about. Myself along with countless others were being sorted into groups of which only certain people who were let into to specific rooms could be released out into the world and the others will head for extermination. Jeremy and caroline were about to be let into a room to safety and he recommended I find a way out too and wished me luck before the doors closed. I felt desperate at this moment and started looking around for more people I could recognize but I found nobody. Then I tried to find rooms that would let me in but none did. I decided that to survive I would have to do something insane. That's when I decided in had to escape at all cost. That feeling was a really sick feeling. Something ominous and gave me the feeling like I needed to throw up. There was also this feeling of desperation to the point I could do unthinkable things. Just as I was by to attack one of the guards at the door, I woke up. Quite anti climatic end to a dream but i was relieved to wake up. Who knows what I might have done to get out in such desperation. The will to live was just so overwhelming that everything else took second priority. This was one that thingstuck with me through the remainder of my waking day. If this really happened would I still stand by my beliefs or would impulse take over. Also that sicken feeling of impending doom just was so deep in the dream I wonder if thats what it really feels like in reality. All these questions I have no answer to...